As some of you may know, I recently made a move to Chicago. A long story short, I took a job here and went on my merry way. Patrick Logan Russell did NOT take this well, and he has been rude and callous ever since. He just told me that I can no longer contact him directly to update him on my life- aka no calls, texts, gchats, facebook messages, or pages- so I am going to update him via this open letter.
Dear Patrick,
Good morning. I guess in Indy it is afternoon now. I hope your new job is going well.
I just wanted to give you a brief but thorough update on my life since I have been in Chicago. It's really been a whirlwind.
I arrived Sunday around 6pm. The guy whose apartment I am subletting is "not gay," but he is a hairdresser who wears skinny jeans, and his girlfriend barely speaks english (she is from Hong Kong), so who knows. Anyway, when I arrived they were nice enough to help me unload my packed jeep. When the girl saw Jixy Meow, she pointed, smiled ear to ear, and said "Garfield!" But she had an asian accent, so it was more like "gaaahfeeldd!"
Once they had left me, I got to unpacking. Once I was unpacked, I got scared that I would soon be raped and pillaged so I drank a whole bottle of wine so as to ease my fears, and then I passed out. So that's Sunday.
Monday morning, I got up bright and early for work. I arrived to a warm welcome- even the guy up in the mailroom (whose name in Ponce by the by) sent me a welcome back email. I have been in training and am sad to report that nothing too exciting has happened since I've been here.
Actually that's a lie. We went to lunch on my first day and I immediately decided who I like and hate. The lunch took awhile (12 noon and the most crowded restaurant on michigan ave), but some of my lunch mates decided that this was unacceptable and threw some kind of a hissy fit. One guy nearly cried and another went wild over the fact that he didn't get a roll with his salad. "He needed some carbs," he lamented, although he ordered his chicken grilled and asked for no croutons so I thought that it was his own damn fault.
Also my friend Dave drunkenly shaved his head so that was fun.
Monday night I slept without the aid of wine, although I can't say the same for Tuesday. Wednesday I had date night with my two sweet potatoes, Becki and Tara. We went to a mexican restaurant where I ordered a cheese burger, and then Becki and I drank blue berry vodka for quite some time. After that, we went to my house to sleep like two crack whores on a foam mattress and we turned on my all time favorite movie (besides That Thing You Do! and 500 Days of Summer) - FEVER PITCH. I decided we needed more wine so we killed the bottle I had open and then I put a bottle in the freezer and promptly passed out. I discovered it this morning- total bummer.
Becki, in her usual life ruining manner, allowed me to sleep until approx 7:53 (I have to be here at 8) so i woke in a panic, brushed my teeth, packed some grapes, and flew out the door in a very low cut sundress and a torn sweater, with my makeup from yesterday morning and my greasy hair in a pony tail. So not much has changed in my work life. I forgot my wallet though, so now I am going to go home to get it, because I need a greasy sandwich from the corner bakery. So that is all thats going on with me. Whats new with you?
Your friend,
Lee
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Double THIS/Superbowl Bummer
Well it happened. I FINALLY ate a KFC Double Down Sandwich. I have been dreaming about enjoying one since the day they started Pre-Advertising back in January for it to be released on April 12. I generally remove some, if not all of the bread from sandwiches anyway, not because of the carbs but because I just love the meaty portion so much that it's all I want to taste. As you can imagine, this "sandwich" was truly a dream come true.
For those of you who aren't familiar, the Double Down is basically a sandwich, sans bread. 2 big juicy chicken breasts (grilled or fried), sandwiched around some bacon and some kind of delicious sauce that was the perfect combo of tangy and sweet. This sandwich has been called a lot of things- disgusting, a heart attack waiting to happen, the reason so many kids are obese, etc- all the usual cliche things. So, I did a little research. And here is what I discovered.
I ordered the Original Double down sandwich (original = fried), and I got a side of potato wedges. The sandwich itself is 540 calories, and the fries are 260. Ouch. However, had I gone to McDonalds and gotten a Big Mac and Fries, I would have been consuming - wait for it.. 540 calories in the sandwich, and 220 calories in the Fries. Here is the difference- while I would have NO problem eating an entire big mac and fries, I was literally forcing down this double down- it was delicious, but so filling that I only made it through half of it. Not to mention the fries which are still sitting in my fridge. I hope my point is proven.
On a lighter note, I was just informed that the world may end on December 21, 2012 when all the planets align and it causes mass chaos. I googled it and someone compared the chaos on earch and the poles tearing apart to "the earth being cleaved like a cabbage head." Interesting. Just my luck that the world would end 2 months before Indiana gets to host the damn Superbowl. FML.
For those of you who aren't familiar, the Double Down is basically a sandwich, sans bread. 2 big juicy chicken breasts (grilled or fried), sandwiched around some bacon and some kind of delicious sauce that was the perfect combo of tangy and sweet. This sandwich has been called a lot of things- disgusting, a heart attack waiting to happen, the reason so many kids are obese, etc- all the usual cliche things. So, I did a little research. And here is what I discovered.
I ordered the Original Double down sandwich (original = fried), and I got a side of potato wedges. The sandwich itself is 540 calories, and the fries are 260. Ouch. However, had I gone to McDonalds and gotten a Big Mac and Fries, I would have been consuming - wait for it.. 540 calories in the sandwich, and 220 calories in the Fries. Here is the difference- while I would have NO problem eating an entire big mac and fries, I was literally forcing down this double down- it was delicious, but so filling that I only made it through half of it. Not to mention the fries which are still sitting in my fridge. I hope my point is proven.
On a lighter note, I was just informed that the world may end on December 21, 2012 when all the planets align and it causes mass chaos. I googled it and someone compared the chaos on earch and the poles tearing apart to "the earth being cleaved like a cabbage head." Interesting. Just my luck that the world would end 2 months before Indiana gets to host the damn Superbowl. FML.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
The Funemployment Blues
I am not what you would call a "worrier." I take life as it comes, and allow myself to let things that worry most people remain a small red flag locked away somewhere in the back of my mind. I sometimes worry that I compartementalize my concerns and at some point they will all come flying to the forefront and I will have some kind of a breakdown A-La Britney Spears. Until that day comes though, I don't mind my worry-free, "it will all work out" attitude. It suits me.
Thats why it came as such a shock to me that my entire department at Eli Lilly just got laid off. True, everyone else was freaking out as we went into the impromptu meeting with our out of town boss, and yes most people had been discussing how the economic climate was brewing the perfect storm for us to be eliminated, but those thoughts didn't really cross my mind. It's not like I am Polly Positivity all the time by ANY means (more like Dramatic Daria- the phrase "why does everything always happen to meeeeee" comes out of my mouth far too often), but I just feel like if something bad is going to happen in the near future and the wheels are already in motion, its best to just buckle up, not slam on the breaks and cause a major collision. Who knows.
So here I am, laid off for the second time in 12 months, (why does everything always happen to meeeee), and the thing is, despite this nagging feeling that I won't be working soon, I still feel like I am not freaking out like everyone else around here. I mean it is ALL ANYONE TALKS ABOUT. Yesterday at lunch I had reached my limit and kindly asked a coworker to "shut up and chill." That didn't settle very well with her. Not my problem that she doesn't have the worry protection that my brain provides. But I think that the difference is that I can see the big picture. Not to get philisophical or anything, but getting laid off at 25 years old is not the worst thing that will ever happen. I mean most of my coworkers are my age, childless, and single. AND renters! Nobody even owns a home. Not to mention that they all have family in the immediate area that they could move in with, worst case. I just don't understand it.
Whatever.
I'm sure I'll figure it all out. Until then, I'll just hop back onto funemployment and watch ABC Family on my couch with a build your own six pack by my side- not the worst way to spend a day.
Thats why it came as such a shock to me that my entire department at Eli Lilly just got laid off. True, everyone else was freaking out as we went into the impromptu meeting with our out of town boss, and yes most people had been discussing how the economic climate was brewing the perfect storm for us to be eliminated, but those thoughts didn't really cross my mind. It's not like I am Polly Positivity all the time by ANY means (more like Dramatic Daria- the phrase "why does everything always happen to meeeeee" comes out of my mouth far too often), but I just feel like if something bad is going to happen in the near future and the wheels are already in motion, its best to just buckle up, not slam on the breaks and cause a major collision. Who knows.
So here I am, laid off for the second time in 12 months, (why does everything always happen to meeeee), and the thing is, despite this nagging feeling that I won't be working soon, I still feel like I am not freaking out like everyone else around here. I mean it is ALL ANYONE TALKS ABOUT. Yesterday at lunch I had reached my limit and kindly asked a coworker to "shut up and chill." That didn't settle very well with her. Not my problem that she doesn't have the worry protection that my brain provides. But I think that the difference is that I can see the big picture. Not to get philisophical or anything, but getting laid off at 25 years old is not the worst thing that will ever happen. I mean most of my coworkers are my age, childless, and single. AND renters! Nobody even owns a home. Not to mention that they all have family in the immediate area that they could move in with, worst case. I just don't understand it.
Whatever.
I'm sure I'll figure it all out. Until then, I'll just hop back onto funemployment and watch ABC Family on my couch with a build your own six pack by my side- not the worst way to spend a day.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
nightmare in blogosphere
Well... I have had a blog for just over a month now, and I have made 1 post and shared it with about 3 people. The truth is, I've pretty much lost interest already. I thought that blogging my thoughts to the world would be an exciting opportunity to share my ideas and my hopes and aspirations, but it turns out that I don't have very many of those things. So I tried to back off and not overthink it, and I immediately came up with several things that I personally find hilarious. However, there is a pretty good chance none of these will ever be published- as I said before, I recently decided that I hate blogging about myself. I need a greater purpose- a topic or specific goal in mind. However, I thought that I would pop out a quick outline just in case the day comes where I change my mind:
1. The time Patrick ate what he THOUGHT was a walnut but was actually a piece of kitty litter that kitty Jack flipped onto his lap from his little paw
2. The merits of Vodka vs Whiskey and why they affect people (me) so differently
3. My car towing incident of St. Pattys Day 2010 (If you're going to tow my car you'll have to take me with it)
4. Some possible explanations as to why Wildy gets so much more drunk than everyone I know
5. Why I think that some babies are overrated
6. A full description of the "Team Building Activity" that we had to do at work that took place at Climb Time(calamity ensued)
7. An outline of the sick, innappropriate, and overall horrifying conversation that I had with Kacie, Molly, and Molly in a recent car ride from Chicago
8. A brief overview of why "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is the best show on television, and people that think otherwise are wrong and apparently worthless
9. How Chelsea Handler and myself share the same policy on rapes, and why I think it truly will work if I ever do get the opportunity to test my theory
10. An extremely detailed explanation of facebook etiquette. (cant spell that word); more specifically, why 99% of people on facebook are misusing the status update feature as well as the mobile uploads. This will be a "how to" for those losers who are on vacation in Budapest but still manage to facebook "good morning" to the entire world and then upload a picture of their shoe or something.
So thats it- full entry to my innermost thoughts and feelings, laid out in a numbered list. We'll see if in a month or two, I am bored enough to put these into a real live post.. but until then, the 3 people in the world who read this blog will just have to wait.
1. The time Patrick ate what he THOUGHT was a walnut but was actually a piece of kitty litter that kitty Jack flipped onto his lap from his little paw
2. The merits of Vodka vs Whiskey and why they affect people (me) so differently
3. My car towing incident of St. Pattys Day 2010 (If you're going to tow my car you'll have to take me with it)
4. Some possible explanations as to why Wildy gets so much more drunk than everyone I know
5. Why I think that some babies are overrated
6. A full description of the "Team Building Activity" that we had to do at work that took place at Climb Time(calamity ensued)
7. An outline of the sick, innappropriate, and overall horrifying conversation that I had with Kacie, Molly, and Molly in a recent car ride from Chicago
8. A brief overview of why "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is the best show on television, and people that think otherwise are wrong and apparently worthless
9. How Chelsea Handler and myself share the same policy on rapes, and why I think it truly will work if I ever do get the opportunity to test my theory
10. An extremely detailed explanation of facebook etiquette. (cant spell that word); more specifically, why 99% of people on facebook are misusing the status update feature as well as the mobile uploads. This will be a "how to" for those losers who are on vacation in Budapest but still manage to facebook "good morning" to the entire world and then upload a picture of their shoe or something.
So thats it- full entry to my innermost thoughts and feelings, laid out in a numbered list. We'll see if in a month or two, I am bored enough to put these into a real live post.. but until then, the 3 people in the world who read this blog will just have to wait.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
body fat.
As a part of my new years resolution (tone up my dough-y arms), I have been lifting arm weights twice a week since January. I have never really been a weight lifter, and I am always very intimidated and also a little mad at the people who seem to know what the hell they are doing in that scary area of the gym that I go out of my way to avoid. As I was going through my new arm toning routine (aimlessly wandering the weight-lifting area), Dan the Trainer approached me and asked me, in the nicest way possible, just exactly what I thought I was doing. After stumbling through an explanation of my "logic," he promptly signed me up for a free training session where he would teach me how to actually work out my arms, not just pick up a few random weights and call it a day.
Well. After Dan the Trainer decided to humiliate me by weighing me and then taking my body fat percentage, he sat me down for a firm lecture on the rights and wrongs of working out. Apparently cardio is not all that effective if you're not lifting weights as well. Apparently boys are on to something when they lift "muscle groups"- they aren't just too lazy to do it all in one day. Apparently eating french fries really can cause weight gain, and it turns out that muscle DOES burn fat. Worst of all, boozing it up 5 nights a week does NOT help my "fatty area covering my abs." I was floored. My head was spinning with all this new information. He had me at "fatty area." He talked me into signing up for personal training for an entire year. I sold my soul to the devil, and there is no going back now because he has my credit card number.
My only issue is that now that the opportunity to tone up and really learn how to workout has presented itself, I'm not sure that I'm up for it. I always trash talk celebrities like Jennifer Aniston, or those foolish real housewives, because they have trainers and all the time in the world to work out.. but now so do I- and damn it, I don't want to ! What is so wrong with showing up for a half-assed work out, and rehydrating with a nice cold blue moon? Or better yet, the delicious low carb option of whiskey and diet? Who cares if 30 minutes on the treadmill is what Dan the Trainer called a "poor excuse for a work out?" It makes me feel better and my legs sure don't feel like hell the next day, like mine did after his ridiculous display of lunging and medicine balling. So we'll see how it goes. I have made the conscious decision that I am going into this next 12 months with a chip on my shoulder, and I have already told Dan that if he thinks I'm giving up late night Q-Doba, he has lost his ever loving mind.
Well. After Dan the Trainer decided to humiliate me by weighing me and then taking my body fat percentage, he sat me down for a firm lecture on the rights and wrongs of working out. Apparently cardio is not all that effective if you're not lifting weights as well. Apparently boys are on to something when they lift "muscle groups"- they aren't just too lazy to do it all in one day. Apparently eating french fries really can cause weight gain, and it turns out that muscle DOES burn fat. Worst of all, boozing it up 5 nights a week does NOT help my "fatty area covering my abs." I was floored. My head was spinning with all this new information. He had me at "fatty area." He talked me into signing up for personal training for an entire year. I sold my soul to the devil, and there is no going back now because he has my credit card number.
My only issue is that now that the opportunity to tone up and really learn how to workout has presented itself, I'm not sure that I'm up for it. I always trash talk celebrities like Jennifer Aniston, or those foolish real housewives, because they have trainers and all the time in the world to work out.. but now so do I- and damn it, I don't want to ! What is so wrong with showing up for a half-assed work out, and rehydrating with a nice cold blue moon? Or better yet, the delicious low carb option of whiskey and diet? Who cares if 30 minutes on the treadmill is what Dan the Trainer called a "poor excuse for a work out?" It makes me feel better and my legs sure don't feel like hell the next day, like mine did after his ridiculous display of lunging and medicine balling. So we'll see how it goes. I have made the conscious decision that I am going into this next 12 months with a chip on my shoulder, and I have already told Dan that if he thinks I'm giving up late night Q-Doba, he has lost his ever loving mind.
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